– You answer the door before people knock.
– Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
– You ski uphill.
– You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
– You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
– You lick your coffeepot clean.
– You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t even work there.
– Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
– You chew on other people’s fingernails.
– Your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s blend.”
– You can type sixty words per minute … with your feet.
– You can jump-start your car without cables.
– No-Doze is a downer.
– You don’t need a hammer to pound nails.
– Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”
– You don’t sweat, you percolate.
– You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
– You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
– You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
– You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.
– You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
– Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
– You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
– People get dizzy just watching you.
– You’ve worn the finish off your coffee table.
– The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.
– Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
– Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
– Instant coffee takes too long.
– When someone says. “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”
– You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
– Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
– You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.
– You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
– You can thread a sewing machine, while it’s running.
– You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
– You short out motion detectors.
– You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
– Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
– You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.
– You don’t tan, you roast.
– You can’t even remember your second cup.
– You help your dog chase its tail.